The Great Charade

I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I had received a text message with an elaborate invitation for the wedding of my local friend. Piecing together information from previous friends and experiences, I knew that I had to dress up to the next level for this event. As my one friend had explained, it's not just about what you feel like wearing, but rather about how much honor you show the hostess by the effort, time and money you put into your outfit when you show up. 

So, after carefully selecting my attire and spending a significant part of the afternoon getting ready, I booked the Uber for the wedding. I tried to show up a little bit late because with the culture here you never show up on time. As the Uber pulled up in front of a massive wedding hall, I breathed out slowly. This was it... 

Stepping gingerly out of the car so that my wrappings wouldn't fall off in front of the security guards, I passed through the huge door marking the women's area. Behind the door, a female security guard checked my QR code to ensure that I had actually been invited. Then, I was ushered to the cloak room where you hand in your robes and whatever else you don't want to carry around. I tried to act normal, but I really struggle doing that when it's my first time anywhere. 

Finally, one of the bride's sisters appeared and greeted me joyously. I could hardly recognize her with all the ornate fixings and her name fled from my mind. To my right stood an enormous flower arrangement with various name brand colognes placed around it for the benefit of all the wedding guests. In front of me stood more massive doors leading into the main wedding hall. I steeled myself for the entrance, greeting the line of women I didn't know besides the bride's mom. What was I supposed to do after I entered? 

Waving cheerily at me from a couch near the entrance, I suddenly spotted two of my friends. Oh what relief! I hurriedly joined them and together we gaped and awed over the enormous hall with plush couches and spectacular decor. Then, the food started. Chocolate bites with violets, delicate pastries in exquisite detail, and of course coffee served between times. Next, came the tea and savory bites. There was a whole army of women servers walking around offering the tea and coffee and plates of food to every couch.  

My friends and I stayed entertained in between bites, watching the "fashion show". As each wedding guest arrived and walked through the grand entrance, we commented on the styles and the flair. Each dress was unique and fabulous. I kept thinking surely I'd seen it all and then the next woman would walk in with an even more breathtaking outfit. I couldn't help but feeling underdressed and very much of an outsider. 

The music suddenly died down and the conversation became hushed. All eyes turned towards a previously unnoticed wall which I now realized was a facade for an entrance. A beautiful song started to fill the air mixed with the trills of women across the room. At 1am the bride had finally arrived! She floated slowly down the aisle towards the grand stage set for one. Photographers flashed and women continued to trill as she ascended the steps of the stage. As to be expected, the bride's dress far surpassed all others there. The flowing white train sparkled and glimmered with thousands of beaded details. Her slender waist fitted perfectly with a studded corset and her hair topped with a delicate, shimmery tiara. 

Royalty, that's what she looked like to me. In some way, that's what everyone in the room seemed like to me - someone who had stepped out of the palace. Yet, this was just a normal wedding for an average family. So why the fuss and the extravagance? Firstly, for some of these young ladies, this is their chance to show off for the other mothers and aunties of prospective husbands for them. Secondly, there is the point mentioned at the beginning of showing honor to the hostess. Thirdly, the honor of the individual herself. Those dresses that cost who knows how much would probably never be worn again because they could never be seen in the same dress at an event. The makeup, the jewelry, the hair - all finishing off the picture of perfection. No blemish must be seen. No weakness. 

I noticed that most of the women were not talking and laughing, but rather sitting in groups eying other groups talking amongst themselves. Besides the sisters and mom, very few went up to sit with the bride on the stage. It was almost as though the bride was an after thought for the rest of the guests. When it came to dancing only those who seemed very confident and capable stepped out to dance. There was no, "Oh well, I'm just trying".

The groom never entered for this part of the wedding, so after about an hour or so, the bride made her grand exit. Afterwards, another door was opened. This led into a grand hall almost equally as big filled with two long buffet lines filled with piping hot food. Another line of tables was reserved for just desserts! My friends and I helped ourselves to the delicious food and talked some more to the bride's family. There were no announcements or speeches or cutting of the cake. Just every woman for herself getting as much food as she wanted. 

At about 3am we saw a few people leaving and took it as our cue. As I climbed wearily into another Uber for the long ride home, I thought of all the actors I had just seen. Women pretending to be perfect models and dancers, trying to put on a facade of perfection to impress their peers or those who might have potential spouses for them. My heart ached for them - for the emptiness of it all. In some ways their abundant extravagance was no different than hiding behind the black robes many had left in. In both scenarios, they were hiding their true selves. It's as if they are living in a charade, afraid to show who they really are - the good and the bad. I longed to share with each of those women just how precious and royal they really are inside and out and to introduce them to the One who clothes the lilies of the valleys.