Not My Will

 "There is a satanic lullaby over the church in America. I want to go back to Iran," said a Christian Iranian lady to her pastor husband after living in the States for several years. How is that she would choose to go back to a life of persecution and oppression when she had the opportunity to live in this "land of freedom"? I think the satanic lullaby voiced by our Iranian sister is the mindset that what we do and who we are doesn't matter - we can become rich and famous, we can squander our life, we can be poor and miserable in the ghetto, we can be imprisoned for some misdemeanor and none of it matters because no one cares - but there is Someone who cares. What does it look like to release a song that breaks the satanic lullaby over this nation - specifically over the church? What does it sound like to live a life of influence and hope rather than reactionary to what is happening? 

I've been having a lot of conversations lately with people my age who are wrestling with the idea of significance and "What impact am I making on the world?". Or having a mini-life crisis of realizing "I'm not where I wanted to be in life by this point and now my whole life is in question."

For myself, the big question has been - how do I make a decision in life not based on what other people want? So much of my inner compass has been guided by meeting the needs of others. I know it is a right and noble cause, but I also realize that I can only go so far focused solely on what those dear to me need. The Word says, "Seek first His kingdom" - not "Seek first to please those around you."

Then, the big question goes back to what is His kingdom - what does His rule and reign look like here on earth?

I believe God has put desires in each of his children to represent different facets of His glory. I also know that seeking my own will is not the end goal - here in lies my inner dilemma: I know that I have God-given desires and it pleases Him for me to act on them, yet I also know I am called to pick up my cross and follow Christ who said, "Not my will but Thine be done." Is not laying down my desires, laying down my will? Is that not what it means to follow Christ?

How is it that Jesus - God Himself - surrendered His will to the Father's? If Jesus, the perfect Son of God, had to lay down His will it goes to show I must be required to lay down my will. I think this is similar to what Jesus says about money - the love of money, not money itself, is the root of all evil. Therefore, surrendering my will is laying down my right to do things my own way and acknowledging that wherever the Father's will contradicts what I will then His will trumps what I desire. 

So, I guess it all goes back to - what is God's will? What is the Father doing? All my desires and plans that do not align with that must be surrendered and entrusted into His perfect plan. In conclusion - God isn't asking me to become a mindless robot, but rather to embrace the strengths and weaknesses given me as I walk in step with His Spirit. 

As I think back on the questions that my friends have brought up and the challenges that we face as humans longing to make an impact on the world - it seems to all go back then to the focus on hearing the voice of God and obeying. That is how we change the world. That is how our daily surrender and sacrifice impacts our communities and cities. That is how we are marked as children of God. 

Jesus is the One who gave everything so that we don't have to live a life of nothingness - He died so that we could have life and have it abundantly! No longer will I simply exist - no longer will I live as a slave to the needs around me - no longer will I live in survival mode to please a distant God - NO! I choose life and life abundantly. I will not scorn the death of Christ by taking it for granted. And I will join my voice with His - "Father, if my way of getting to the desires and goals in my heart is not in line with Your will, then not my will but Yours be done."