Walking in the Unknown

 

I stood gazing out over hundreds, if not thousands of miles of Pennsylvania farmland. Patches of light green fields nestled in between pockets of forest green. Houses and roads dappled the countryside and thin ribbons of water tied the scene together. In the distance, blue, rolling hills stretched out as far as the eye could see. 

I wondered what the first settlers saw when they looked from this point... the Native Americans... and all the people who have stood on this rock before me? I thought about what it's like driving on those twisty, country roads past shimmering fields and cozy homes, prosperous businesses and neatly trimmed yards. Each carefully positioned "Welcome sign" and brightly colored potted plant - each piece of architecture and impressive farm equipment - each idyllic cow pasture and rolling field - was an outward expression of a human desire. To me, the countryside represented a peaceful place full of creativity and endless opportunity. 

This is what drove the early settlers to leave all that they knew for a land far away and unpredictable. They sought a land where they could live at peace and they could raise their families. Yet in their wildest dreams they could not have imagined what we have now - the smooth roads, the speed of transportation, the ease of communication with the outside world, the drastic advances in technology. Despite their lack of knowledge and what they didn't know about the future - God used their simple desires to lay a foundation for the next generation, a foundation that gave us a space to invent, create, and take up space in this beautiful land. How often do I let my lack of knowledge about something hold me back from trying it? How often do I make excuses based off of what I know or don't know rather than the simple fact that God is with me?

As I stood there on the mountain, gazing at a testimony of faith - I wondered what would happen if I stepped out - even just a baby step - in the things I desire. Would generations after me be affected? What does it look like to step out in faith even when I can't see the full picture? 

I desperately wanted to believe this and take it to heart - I wanted to say, "Of course! God delights in me and fulfills my deepest desires." Yet, how can I say this when every hero of the Bible is marked by incredible sacrifice and surrender of what they thought was God's desire? 

For example, Moses when he was encountered by the Lord in the burning bush, recognized the honor that God was revealing Himself to a mere mortal man. Moses eagerly received the news that the Lord had "heard [the Israelites] crying out because of their slave drivers, and... [had] come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land..." But then the Lord said: "So now, go. I am sending YOU to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

I would imagine this statement startled Moses. Perhaps he thought, "Wait! Lord, You said YOU came down to rescue the Egyptians. Why do you need me to do Your work for you?" This is what comes out of his mouth: "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" And you know what the Lord says in response? He says nothing about Moses identity, or calling, or equipment - instead His reply is simply: "I will be with you."

The next question raised by Moses revolves around his own authority - "Suppose I actually go, and they question who has sent me - what shall I tell them? (paraphrased)" And again the Lord offers no explanation or description. He simply states. "Say to them, 'I AM who I AM has sent me to you.'" So, it seems that what the Lord is offering to Moses is not a head knowledge of who God is but a deeper understanding and experience of the reality of His presence. 

Imagine with me for a moment young Moses, growing up in the palace of Pharaoh, realizing where his true origins are from as a Hebrew. Did he have connection with his family after he was weaned? Did he know the God of his fathers before the moment of the burning bush? It doesn't really say in the Bible. We can only use an educated guess. But what is evident from the two stories mentioned before he fled - he had a desire to see justice for his people. As a young man, the two brief stories depict him as confident and daring - yet the Moses we see in the next passage, shows a whole new version of this once bold young man. This Moses is skeptical not of God, but of what God can do through him. The reality is Moses did want to see his people set free and deep down inside I think he wanted to be a part of that, but over the years of disappointment and failure, hopelessness and cynicism had rooted in his heart until he disqualified himself as a vessel to be used by God. 

What I began to realize as I stood on that overlook is that sometimes on life's journey, sometimes our desires and passions get buried and maybe we've even managed to forget they even exist. Yet God still sees the treasure He has put inside each of us and HE is faithful to call it out! There is no way Moses could have seen all that God would do through him and in spite of him - because at the end of the day it wasn't about having a perfect leader but someone who was willing. God took this fiery young man who wanted to see his people set free and used that passion to motivate Moses. 

This same story gets repeated over and over - individuals who are believing God for breakthrough (desire) and expecting Him to do it in some magnificent way through someone else (will) and then He shows up and says: "That's exactly what I'm doing and I choose YOU!" The outcome when they decide to surrender their will is what they had always ultimately desired even thought the means of getting there was not what they expected. 

Finally, I decided - yes - it's worth taking a risk into the unknown towards the things God has placed in my heart, even though it's not looking like I had expected. In the past, I was used to thinking - "God, send someone to lead teams to the Middle East! Raise up someone to be a bridge between America and the Middle East when right now all people see is terrorism and fear. God, ignite a passion and fire in the A--- Church to see worship raised up in their own tongue and cultural context." But perhaps where I've been pointing my finger to everyone else, the change that I'm seeking starts with me...