The Most Valuable Thing

Gold is a common topic here, especially when it comes to marriage. "How much gold did he give you?" "Have you seen this latest design?" "I'm going to buy a piece of 24k gold as an investment for my future". There is this impression for the women specifically that gold is a safe keeping, and quite literally plan B in case anything goes wrong with their marriage. There are literally entire market places consisting solely of shop after shop of gold jewelry. Much of the gold is bought by the bride's family from the groom's money given for the woman who is engaged to be married. This gold is for the bride to keep for the rest of her life. Often she will wear it all or most of it on her wedding day and for the first year of marriage. Then will pack most of it away only to be worn on very special occasions (like a close family member's wedding) or to be sold in return for another style of gold jewelry.   

In America I don't hear people talk so much about gold. If anything, someone might buy a gold pair of earrings because they have sensitive skin and gold is the only option that doesn't irritate it. I've asked several of my Saudi friends why gold is so prized and talked about by the women here. The answers differ slightly, but all point back to one common idea - Gold never loses its value, but I might. Therefore, I must hold onto it at all cost even if I have nothing else, because then at least I will have something of value. 

My friends have further explained that historically in the case of divorce most if not everything in a marriage is written in the man's name - the house, the car, the bank account, even the children. So, if a man divorces a woman and sends her back to her family home, the only thing she is taking with her from the marriage is the gold. 

In my last year of living in Saudi I have had a lot of conversations revolving around marriage as I just recently got married myself. Getting engaged and married in this country has been very eye opening as I hear other women sharing about their experiences. They talk about keeping an eye on your husband so he's not distracted by other women, staying sexually attractive so he doesn't lose interest, and catering to whatever your husband wants so that he wants to stay with you. 

I often find myself thinking in alarm: "Whatever happened to the idea of covenant, of promise, of keeping your word?" Then, the stark reality hits me - to so many of the people the concept simply doesn't exist. I'm not just talking about in marriage - it's in every day life going to the store, meeting up with a friend, driving on the road - "Inshallah (Lord willing) I will arrive safely, Inshallah I will see you, Inshallah I will get that done, Inshallah we will stay married and raise healthy children, Inshallah..." I suddenly start to see it everywhere - this slippery slope of complacency and apathy. "If God wills it, it will happen. Therefore, there is nothing I can do to stop it." At the very core, this message echoes in the street: "Good works and obedience to God is valuable, but I'm not sure if I am. Therefore, I must do whatever it takes to do what the book says so that in the end even if God sees no value in me, he will see it in my good works."  

Simply writing out that last sentence makes me sick to my stomach, because that is NOT the God I serve. I serve a God who loves His creation and is delighted in those He creates. He is the Father of all who longs for relationship and union with His children. He is not far off and distant, but close to those who are broken and wounded. He comes to the aid of those who are faint and lifts up the heads of the weary. He meets us in our sin and redeems us by His great hand. He gives us His Spirit to will and to act according to His power in us. Above all, He is faithful and what He says He will do. When He says He has chosen us as His children, he will never break that promise. We may be unfaithful, but He never is. We may be filled with dross and forgotten by everyone around us, but God sees the value that He has place inside each one of us. To Him, I am worth far more than good works or gold or anything that this world can offer. Not because I am somehow perfect - no, far from it - but because He chose me. Period.